September 7, 2012
December 13, 2010
October 20, 2010
July 1, 2010
May 16, 2010
My sweet boy had his tonsils and adenoids out this week. He came out of surgery as white as a ghost, but when he was coming to he had the biggest smile on his face. He looked like he had just awoken from a two week nap and his cheeks were apple-ly and smile so wide. But then he had trouble waking all the way up. He kept tossing. He would sit up and I would tell him to lie down and he would do it, only to toss and turn and sit up again. He doesn't remember that I softly sang him awake. But he says he does remember having the nurse follow us to the car. I held him tight against me in the biggest hug, because I was so happy that everything went smoothly.
He has happily eaten popsicles, sorbet, and even lactose free Breyers ice cream. And we discovered Macaroni and Cheese (with the whole cheese part, there is no point in buying it). But for some reason, I just cooked the pasta part and poured in some of his milk and he gobbled it down. It must be the boiling it for 12-14 minutes that just makes it so soft you don't even need to chew.
I'm happy to have him home and safe.
May 4, 2010
I have oft tried to choose a favorite flower and somehow I always fail. There are too many: the tree peony, the gardenia, the ranunculus. But this week I went to the Flower Mart in San Francisco three times, and on one of my trips I decided.
Lily of the Valley. It is my favorite. It is delicate and understated and the most delightful fragrance.
Normally the tiniest bunch is thirty dollars because it is imported. But this week, I heard the magic word: LOCAL. I got my sweet Lily for ten dollars and have looked at it on my desk and smiled everyday.
I have to say that if I were a flower, I would want to be a Lily of the Valley. I would want to be everything she is everyday.
April 26, 2010
April 7, 2010
It was me. I was the fool. The one who willingly walked around with a sign on my back.
But what could I do, my boys had joined forces to "sneak" up on me and secretly plant the sign. Of course, their secret felt a lot more like a hard high five straight to the back followed by hysterical sniggering (of course, raucous laughter would have given it away, but the light laughter was undetectable).
With most things, I, the willing fool wore the sign:
"I kiss goats!"
P.S. (I also kiss pigs!)
April 4, 2010
Chase carefully set the table with all manner of Easter surprises: lemons, grass grown in styrofoam, cut flowers, a wooden bunny puzzle, cars, and his prized baby Zhu Zhu pet. What you can't see is the arrangement he made that wasn't complete until he ran out in the the rain and picked a lamb's ear. I think it is perhaps the most perfect table I have seen.
April 3, 2010
I've never hiked Russian Ridge. You can see the Bay and the ocean. You can also see muddy boys. You can see boys previously crying from wind, laughing with the magic of a sucker. You can also see that Chase is too cool for his own good - look at that stance - the CamelBak. You can see moms hiking with strollers and newborns. You can see Angie gawking at these friends in amazement. You can see a lot when you take the time to look around. I like to see, a lot.
March 23, 2010
There really are two sides to every fence. And this picture caught something. It was another Opening Day to another season of another sport. And I really am so proud of Chase who has cheered and supported his brother for three years. He has been on the watching, the hoping side of the fence. Hoping, perhaps, to someday have his own turn. This year he got dressed in his Giants baseball hat, Giants jersey, Giants shorts, and fastest shoes he had...just to cheer. It was so darling.
But, I think that, perhaps, there is something melancholy about this side of the fence. The side where you watch and don't do. But, as I looked at this picture, I realized that we spend much of our lives cheering those on around us...perhaps even most of our lives. And this is an important side. It is perhaps less flashy and definitely given less attention. But perhaps without it the other side wouldn't exist.
March 14, 2010
Chase lost his first tooth!
It was quite the surprise, to everyone.
I didn't get the story until today, after the tooth fairy had come.
Yesterday's story was: it was loose and he hadn't told me.
Today's story was whispered and sounds more like the truth: he bumped his tooth on a cereal bowl and knocked it out.
The good news is that the tooth fairy comes if you put the tooth under your pillow, no matter how it came out!
He got a two dollar bill, a one dollar bill, a gold coin worth a dollar, and a quarter.
And according to Chase, he now has more money than anyone in the world.
March 13, 2010
Two weeks ago I bought a new racquetball racket. Why? Well, I took two classes in college and just joined a gym with racquetball courts. So, naturally, I would have no idea where my old rackets were and would therefore need a new one. But as I stood in the aisle at Sports Authority, I couldn't decide what to actually get. I knew I needed a racket, but they range in price from nothing to something, so how to choose? Definitely some blue balls, but those teal balls were a better price...oops they are squash balls which wouldn't work. And then I saw it, the bag with everything: racket, sweat band, balls, and even protective eyewear.
I have never owned protective eyewear, but I believe. I mean, considering I knocked out my own tooth, who knows what else I could do (my front tooth is a fake from an embarrassing shot in an unimportant racquetball game). So, I decided I should be responsible and get and actually use the protection. And I have. No matter how silly I look with my sweatband and goggles...I've worn both.
And what has wearing my protective eyewear given me? A scratched cornea. Ok, I didn't scratch it on the court. I didn't even scratch it at all. Chase was handing me a menu while we were out and he poked it right into my open and unassuming left eye. The tricky part was that the corners were reinforced metal corners (a lot of restaurants have them, I've just never really noticed before). Anyhow, as I held my eye in agony, I remember thinking that he had popped it; that I would only have one eye for the rest of my life. But it is fine. It was painful, and they numbed it at the urgent care, and since then I just feel like I have something in my eye I want to rub out but can't (foreign object sensation is what the doctor called it).
I still can't believe I scratched my eye the first week I have ever even considered protecting my eyes. Oh, the irony...complain, complain, complain.
March 9, 2010
Geology Rocks! James second grade class play was so darling. I sat in the audience thinking about how much he has grown. He is such a confident and astounding boy, I feel lucky just to hang out with him. We were chatting last night about the big performance (he has repeatedly reminded me of the time every) and he was running over his lines. He then confessed that he knew everyone's lines in the play and proceeded to give me the lines of the Ferns, the Sedimentary Rock, Professor Rock, the Canyons, etc. About twenty minutes in I told him he better go to sleep...but he would have kept going!!
He played the most adorable igneous rock of all times. Here he is (my favorite is the one with his after performance glow with his buddies)!
March 4, 2010
We have a neighbor who frequents our door with gifts of stained clothes, broken toys, and the orphaned pieces of games. I usually try to greet him with a "no thank you" or a "not this time" or a "I just wish we had more room." But if on the odd occasion my boys beat me to the door, they find treasures soon enough. And invaritably, I find myself persuading and pleading: "I don't really think we need the arm of that storm trooper," or a "wow, I love that left snow boot, but I really think you would probably need two next time we go to the snow. Please put it back and thank Neighbor."
But on this particular occasion I rounded the corner, just seconds after the door bell rang, and was greeted by a smiling raccoon. He looked something like:
February 28, 2010
King Tut (Tutankhamun or Toot and Kahmen according to Chase) came to SF. I was really debating whether or not to go. It sounded cool, but I remembered how I felt in the Egyptian wing at the Met. I would usually walk right through most of it. Ok, I would stop at the Temple of Dendur, but quite possibly I just stopped to admire the high ceilings and the enormous glass windows and the looking pond (all of which have nothing to do with Egypt). But I successfully talked myself into it with cliches like "once in a lifetime"...and off we went.
February 5, 2010
February 4, 2010
My little flower business is blooming. And the bride I have been talking to recently sent me this little picture as inspiration...and I am feeling exactly that, inspired. I see this picture and know all the flowers; from the stock to the tulips parrots. I see the color in a new way; the nuance of the pink the fact it is a warm pink with yellow undertones. What a fun little hobbie this is turning out to be. I also have a secret flower blog -- that isn't done. But considering I have business cards that say Spring Street Floral Design, I think I am getting brave enough to share.
January 29, 2010
Abbie and Danny are married!
The reception was beautiful, and Abbie was even more radiant. We ate and laughed and danced. Even when the music stopped for a moment, everyone kept dancing and singing. "Don't Stop Believing, Hold on to that Feeling" when both James and Chase kept singing I knew that I had done my job as a mother. They know their Glee (Journey) songs and they can sing them!
January 25, 2010
January 21, 2010
December 26, 2009
December 13, 2009
November 12, 2009
When I watched SYTYCD this week the Mandy Moore number really hit me. No, it wasn't because I was reminded of the other Mandy Moore (who stole my heart in A Walk to Remember--scary, I know). And no, it wasn't because I was watching one of my favorite two shows (Glee is the top favorite these days). It was the cane, the cane.
You see, I have been hobbling around on a cane for the past two weeks. I reinjured the soccer ankle in a game AGAIN. And when I went to the doctor they said that I needed crutches. But, you see, crutches and I are deep enemies. In high school there was a long walk down Coleman Avenue on a rainy afternoon with crutches and since then, I can't bear the thought. My arms literally start protesting (and who I am kidding, I would need my arms in a fight). So, I asked her if there was anything else I could do. A cane was her only other suggestion.
So, with thoughts of Hugh Laurie from House and Fred Astaire's dancing cane, I reconciled myself to the cane I now own. And when I saw two people dance with a cane, it hurt inside because I don't make my cane look fabulous. In fact, I have started to leave it behind, much to Chase's chagrin.
Opposed to me, Chase loves the cane. James loves the cane. They even loved the medical supply store where we bought it. Picture Chase driving the motorized scooter around the parking lot and James in his wheelchair. When James sat down in the chair he honestly said, "I could live in this thing," and then begged me to buy him one the rest of the time. Who knew?
Now to the point of this tangent: I hate not being able to walk. It is tragic and reminds me with every step how good I had it. I love legs and the ability to move. I love ankles that twist and a body that can run. And I am determined to be more thankful...because I really do have it good!
November 3, 2009
People ask me all the time if I am divorced. I'm not, yet. It has been the longest, stinkiest process you could imagine. It is hard to believe that it has been two years since I flew to NY and discovered the truth. But I am hoping in a few months it will be over. As over as it can be.
People also ask me all the time if they can set me up. I can't even begin to say how scary that thought is...I feel like, I've already tried that once, why would I do it again. I honestly gave everything I could think of...and the thought of a second time is frightening.
There is an old movie called, The Gay Divorcee. Fred Astaire dances around in his lighter-than-air style and makes it seem so easy, so freeing. I am sad to say it isn't easy or freeing. It just gets more and more complicated. I think perhaps the hardest part is that the person that I knew best in this world, ultimately didn't think I was good enough. It is hard deep inside to face that type of harsh reality and convince myself that I am good enough. (And I am, I've decided).
For some reason, at thirty two, I have to sometimes fight the feeling of being used goods. My youth and bloom are gone (who am I kidding, they were gone at 16), but there is something new in its place. A richness of empathy and sorrow and a conviction that I can do the hardest of things. My well is deeper than me...it is the people around me, the strength I genuinely find in prayer and belief, the knowledge that I have something valuable to offer. And that is what I now fill most of my thoughts with; not with what I am lacking, but with what I can contribute.
I sometimes, theoretically, wish that life didn't have so many road bumps. But somehow, I can't really wish away the very things that make me strongest.
November 2, 2009
I went to the dentist recently and found out that James had five cavities and one of them needed a root canal...but get this, you can't get a root canal if your teeth aren't all the way developed. So, we have to see an Endodontist every couple of months until it grows completely. Oh, did I mention the hole is on his permanent tooth?!
This is all I could think about as I drove home: I am now, officially, doing permanent damage to my children. Up to this point everything that I did as a mother will be forgotten. Sure, they may at some deep level feel more secure or loved because of all the time and energy I have put in as a mother. But they won't remember half of it, ok they won't remember a tenth of it. And if I rarely helped them brush their little teeth, it was alright because I knew those little teeth would be falling out and I would have a second chance. There was no pressure. But now, James is in second grade. And all I know is that I have clear memories of second grade. I remember people and conversations, and moments of my life.
I don't know why, but I lost it. I cried for two days straight over this little tooth. And more than that, when a few days time started to give me some perspective and I started to laugh about it, I knew that I couldn't blog about it. I couldn't actually be honest with most of the people in my life who I am certain would laugh along with me over the tears, the tooth, and the bit of honest reflection. I have been writing on the periphery of my own life. I have been genuinely afraid that if I showed weakness, somehow my children's father would use it against me in a court of law. And it was at last facing this sobering reality that has led me to change the way I weild my words.
I want to be honest, and open, and not be afraid of consequences. At one point, a friend told me that my blog was a hollow reminder of what I once was -- ouch...but true. I have been holding back, my friends. But here I am: reclaiming another piece of myself. Raw. Poorly written. But real.
And thanks for the pieces of you that I get over time. My relationships throughout my life are my greatest treasure. S0, truly, thank you.
October 6, 2009
September 9, 2009
Thanks to Dustin Izatt who took the pictures.
September 7, 2009
September 1, 2009
August 9, 2009
July 20, 2009
July 17, 2009
For posterity, here is the list:
The Ruins of Gorlan by John Flanagan
The Magic Finger by Roald Dahl
Found by Margaret Peterson Haddix
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
Swordbird by Nancy Yi Fan
And Nobody Got Hurt 2 by Len Berman
Prisoner of the Ant Peopleby R. A. Montogmery
Summer Ball by Mike Lupica
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Eagle by Jeff Stone
Snake by Jeff Stone
The Pocket Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Inggulden and Hal Iggulden
Go! The Whole World of Transporation
Fast Forwards by Paul Ladewski
The Gecko and Sticky: Villian's Lair by Wendelin Van Draanen
Nicholas Again by Rene Goscinny
Nate the Great and the Tardy Tortoise by Craig Sharmat and Marjorie Sharmat
Nate the Great San Francisco Detective by Mitchell Sharmat and Marjorie Sharmat
Redwall by Brian Jacques
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules by Jeff Kinney
The Battle of the Labrynth by Rick Riordan
The Fabulous Bouncing Chowder by Peter Brown
Chowder by Peter Brown
Fireman Small by Wong Herbert Yee
The Million Dollar Shot by Dan Gutman
Give My Regrets to Broadway by Bruce Hale
Percy Jackson and the Olympians The Demigod Files by Rick Riordan
Encyclopedia Brown Solves them All by Donald J Sobol
The Dragonslayers by Bruce Coville
Escape by R A Montgomery
Jackie and Me by Dan Gutman
The Tales of King Arthur Retold by Felicity Brooks
The Capture by Kathryn Lasky
Skunkdog by Emily Jenkins
Timothy and the Strong Pajamas by Viviane Schwarz
The Great Brain by John D Fitzgerald
Michael Jordan by Chip Lovitt
Monkey by Jeff Stone
On the Field with Peyton and Eli Manning by Matt Christopher
Coraline by Neil Gaiman
The Sword Thief by Peter Lerangis
Joe Montana's Art and Magic of Quarterbacking by Joe Montana
I Know and Old teacher by Anne Bowen
Peter and the Secret of Rundoon by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson
The Malted Falcon by Bruce Hale
A Book by Mordecai Gerstein
My Life as a Chicken by Ellen A Kelly
Center Court Sting by Matt Christopher
The Mystery of the Maya by R A Montgomery
The Monsters of Morley Manor by Bruce Coville
Trouble is my Beeswax by Bruce Hale
Charlie Small Gorilla City by Charlie Small
The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex
The Lost Jewels of Nabooti by R A Montgomery
Nicholas and the Gang by Rene Goscinny
Fireman Small Fire Down Below by Wong Yee
The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
Dr. De Soto by William Steig
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey by Trenton Lee Stewart
The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Leigh Stewart
Red Dragon Codex by R D Henham
The Perfect Nest by Catherine Friend
Scritch Scrath by Miriam Moss
The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss
One by Kathryn Otashi
I Left My Sneakers in Dimension X by Bruce Coville
The Kid Who Became President by Dan Gutman
Farewell My Lunch Bag by Bruce Hale
The Evil Power Master by RA Montomery
Space and Beyond by R A Montgomery
The Basket Counts by Matt Christopher
The Million Dollar Strike by Dan Gutman
Abner and Me by Dan Gutman
The Big Nap by Bruce Hale
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
July 14, 2009
I am not averse to putting terrible pictures of myself up (see exhibit A)...and in this case, I had no choice. This particular photo is the only one I have that shows my cornrows. I went to girls camp in the Sierras and had Ridi braid my hair.
It was so weird to go back as an adult leader and see behind the scenes how much hard work goes into making camp run.
I felt small beside the pine trees, but more alive at the same time. But besides the girls and the majesty, my favorite part was serenading. After the lights go out, the older girls go around and serenade all of the girls.
This is the chorus of one of my favorite songs (I actually use it as one of my standard bedtime lullabies):
It’s a web like a spider’s web
Made of silver light and shadows
Spun by the moon in my room at night
It’s a web made to catch a dream
Hold it tight ‘til I awaken
As if to tell me my dream is all right
July 13, 2009
July 9, 2009
This morning we cracked open this fresh Ostrich egg and had fried egg whites and scrambled egg for breakfast (by we, I mean James and Chase). But before we feasted, we talked ostrich shop. We had to look up ostriches on the National Geographic Website. We had to watch the YouTube video of an ostrich attacking a camera and even one of an ostrich race. This, of course, reminded me of the genius race from Swiss Family Robinson where Ernst, wearing a straw top hat, does indeed ride on an ostrich.
Now, Swiss Family Robinson was really more of a way of life than a movie to me. I watched this movie perhaps more than anything else (ok, Overboard is really high on this list for some reason as well). Anyhow, I was able to find it and watch it with my boys and can I just say that A. I love the youngest brother, Francis, who catches an elephant and accidentally blows up coconut bombs, B. don't know why Disneyland switched it to a Tarzan tree house - it was sooo the Swiss Family Robinson's and always will be, and C. I think my brother Pat grew up to be Fritz.
Can I also say on a semi-ostrich related topic, that the Road Runner always looked more like an ostrich to me than a actual road runner...but, maybe it is just me.